Bridesmaids -A What Not To Do Guide.

Bridesmaids, whenever this word is mentioned one can't help but imagine women walking down the aisle in questionable frocks, bouquet of flowers in hand, everything held in. It's not the time to look your worst with dozens of eyes scanning you and your companions, in anticipation of the perfect bride. It's your friend's wedding, the lead up is almost as important as the actual day itself.  

This film reads like a "Not what to do as a Maid of Honour" as the protagonists life falls apart whilst her best friends is gaining momentum.

A version of a female gross out comedy, not quite as intense as The Hangover but it certainly has its moments. With a stellar cast of characters from the ditzy naive newlywed, to a larger than life butch man eater the laughs come in quick and fast. Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live ,Knocked Up) and Melissa McCarthy (Life as We Know It, The Back-up Plan) bring the film into its own, with ridiculous Botox-proof laughs and cringe worthy moments aplenty this film does not disappoint.

Can these things really happen, do people act like this? I can say with 90% certainty that when that date arrives and those church bells are a ringing, do not doubt what a woman will do. Let that be a warning to all men and women involved....Enjoy! 

Buried.

Claustrophobia is one of the most common phobias humans can experience, if you identify with this then the best suggestion would be to avoid watching this film. Many may have their reservations as the films low budget, shot in one location with one actor, could put you off the mainstream ‘blockbuster’ but do not let this fool you. From the very beginning viewers are thrust into the pitch black, along with the only actor seen during the film, Ryan Reynolds (Paul Conway). The film unsettles any macho type, as scenes alternate between the protagonist screaming in frustration and fright, to a few dark one liners that almost make you feel bad for laughing at.  

The film uses the basis of a contractor being held hostage in Iraq and the lengths he goes too with his only tool, a mobile phone to get himself out, where in lies the problem. With so many ways to prolong speaking to someone, i.e. the hold button, you begin to see that in certain situations mostly of the life or death type, telecoms systems are wholly inefficient. With certain death only hours away, constant calls are made to emergency services and state departments. The manner, in which they talk, as if they don’t believe his calling from the Iraqi desert, is condescending and unproductive. Finally the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be nearing as he speaks to a hostage unit, but in the stark light of the day or torch in his case, there is very little they can do.

Twists and turns leave you in anticipation, nails littered around the sofa kind of frustration rides in constant waves. The Americans treatment of their employees and their reaction to hostage situations during this film are unbelievable, but could sadly be true.

Buried is a film that will leave you reeling long after the credits stop rolling.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4 - On stranger tides.

Johnny Depp dons swashbuckling Captain Jack Sparrow’s hat and eyeliner for another round of the never ending Pirates saga, this time without the help of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. Their lives are cleverly tidied up; its loner pirate Jack that left to carry on the action. A film that’s meant to be aimed at children clearly misses the mark on what will hopefully be the last instalment of what was an exciting adventure.

The storyline is based around Jack finding and claiming The Black Pearl back through obviously awesome stunts, some what similar to the third film some may say. However it becomes hard to stay interested as the storyline wanders and deviates, and not in thrilling way. The cast includes Keith Richards as Jack’s father and the gorgeous Penelope Cruz playing his side kick/love interest, but even this fails to inspire any hope.

Johnny Depp rarely fails to impress, yet Jack Sparrow seems to have lost the lustre that his performances usually contain in bulk. There were a few parts during the two hours that brought a smile to my lips, maybe even laughter but I was definitely the only one in the theatre. 

Johnny we love you, but maybe its time to hang up Captain Jack Sparrows hat for good.

Avatar: Deforestation and Colonisation

Equipped with my special geek-chic glasses I was prepared to watch Avatar in 3D. After paying little attention to the deeper subtext of this Box Office smash I merely sat back and absorbed James Cameron’s big budget creation for the first time.

…3 hours later I left feeling rather deflated about my own existence, desperately wanting to seek a new life somewhere as exotic, preferably with my own legs unlike Mr Sully. After envisioning myself flying through the flying mountains of Pandora on my own mythical creature, running through the amazing glow in the dark forests, minus the hungry predators, I come to my senses. Get a life; it is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Take two: watching this movie for the second time confirmed the worst; the United States, this time using the military, again forces it’s self on a reluctant and self sufficient paradise, butchering the hope of ‘The People’. In Western style, with preparation that’s considered questionable, they go about committing heinous acts of deforestation and colonisation.

It came to me that this could be James Cameron biting his thumb at American History. Showing the genocide of Native Americans in the attempt at ‘civilised colonisation’ in terms that doesn’t out-and-out say ‘Shame on you America’, however it could simply be another excuse to blow sh*t up.

X-Men First Class: Being different's cool.

Another X-Men film, can it possibly beat Wolverine and the extraordinarily handsome Mr Jackman? The cast features young, bright new talents including January Jones as well as the suave James McAvoy (Atonement, Wanted) and Michael Fassbender (Centurion, Eden Lake). The film is not short of the actors blessed with the looks many wish they had. Packed full with special effects, emotion, laughter, it fulfils the requirements of a blockbuster.

The two protagonists depict the younger versions of themselves from previous films, appearing charming yet tough, masculine but not Schwarzenegger-esque. They credited the roles, Magneto was tense and morose set on vengeance, Charles Xavier was kind and flirty but demanding. The testosterone filled the theatre, boys will be boys, with powers or no powers. America will be America – ready to fight and battle with everyone in its way.

The film follows the previous theme of persecution because of differences, however instead of the usual 'racial' issue, the humans are attacked because of their mutant abilities. Hatred stems from jealousy, but the persecuted now become invigorated and vow to suffer no more. Shouldn't everyone be loved no matter what 'special powers' they may come with. By the end of the film I sure as hell wished that I could turn to diamonds or soar through the air superman style, those who have no unique quality should feel ostracised.

There were many parts of the film that got the thumbs up. Be prepared for one little taster half way through that made the film (for me and many women) as it poked fun at the past few films. Also in respect to the era it was set in, the producers used scenes from John F. Kennedy's reign as President for those crucial 1000 days he was in office. RIP. However it felt that perhaps the X-men films are maybe stretched a little too far, we can only wait and see what Mutants will crop up on our screens next.

Remember kids being different's cool, embrace it.